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Are you a love addict?

 
If so, you likely do some combination of the following:
  • Stay too long in emotionally unsatisfying relationships.
  • End a relationship only after you have secured a new one.
  • Rationalize your partner’s poor behavior.
  • Idealize and obsess over people you hardly know.
  • Isolate and never date -- only fantasize about having the perfect relationship.
  • “Dolphin” from one relationship to the next. Never stay single.
  • Go on one date and then plan your entire future together.
  • Declare being alone on a Saturday night as a state of emergency.
  • Unconsciously treat dating partners dismissively.
  • Treat dates like an audition rather than an interview.
  • Suffer from a pathological fear of rejection.
  • Romantically obsess over inappropriate people (bosses, co-workers, celebrities).
  • Believe the pain of leaving is worse than staying, despite the abuse.
  • Date people to whom you are not attracted.
  • Waffle between feelings of inferiority and superiority, and therefore never date.
  • Opt for relationships that are strictly over the internet.
  • Feel powerful when abstaining from dating and relationships.
  • Find socializing simply exhausting.
  • Lose track of friendships once you start dating a new person.
  • Your partner says, “I don’t want to be with you,” but you can't leave.
  • After a break-up, you feel suicidal (not just sad).
  • Harbor a deep pessimism that you can ever have a healthy relationship.
  • Find making friends with your own gender nearly impossible.
  • Fear you are fundamentally unlovable.
  • Secretly hope to be rescued by someone (other than yourself).
  • Pick emotionally unavailable people who cannot meet your needs ...
  • and find yourself not only unable to leave them but, ...
  • you blame them for your problems!! 🙁

I’ve been there.

 

Several years ago, I knew nothing about addiction or recovery. I just couldn’t leave my terrible
relationship and wasn’t able to self-help my way out. While it was unclear to me why I felt trapped and hopeless about my future, I certainly didn’t think of myself as an addict.

 

Perhaps you are like me?

 

I thought addicts were people addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, etc. But ME, with just some relationship drama … an addict?

As it turns out, yes.

 

Why I specialize in love addiction:

 

Now I see that love addiction is common. It permeates our culture. The desire to be saved is
insatiable. That “never enough” feeling is pervasive. I am willing to bet that, for many people,
anxiety and depression are rooted in unaddressed love addiction.

 

Love addiction is a truly crazy-making affliction. I feel you.

 

Because I am both a certified health coach and a recovering love addict, I am empathetic. I know how useless it would be tell you to BE POSITIVE! And MOVE ON ALREADY! You need a safe place to vent and to be held accountable as you find your way, minus the gnawing unease.

As your love addiction health coach, I can help you:

  • Stop isolating and/or numbing out.
  • Stop accepting sex when you really want love.
  • Stop confusing pity and rescue with love.

 

So that you can:

 
  • Be your authentic self.
  • Have deeply satisfying relationships.
  • Enjoy unshakable self-confidence.
Coach-Ellie

Goats are good for your health.

 
I get results

 

I have helped clients:

  • detach from an ex without bitterness
  • cope during the divorce process
  • turn down the volume on perfectionism
  • get to the root of sugar dependency
  • set strong boundaries with a close friend
  • recognize and let go of shame
  • genuinely enjoy a packed family holiday get-together
  • declutter a house
  • gain the skill and confidence needed for a hard conversation
  • process a painful, unexpected break-up
  • work through the pain of low self-esteem

Background

 

Six months into my relationship I knew it wasn’t good, yet I stayed another 12 years anyway.
I have subsequently spent the last half-decade figuring out why I and so many other people stay in bad relationships. Why do we struggle to get into good ones? Why is it so devastating when even unfulfilling relationships end?

 

After years of recovery work, it’s obvious

 

I had a rocky upbringing which led me to have low self-esteem, which in turn caused me to stay overly loyal to a guy who was emotionally incapable of loving me back. But when things finally fell apart, I had no meaningful understanding of this. All I knew was I had finally hit my breaking point and just couldn’t take it anymore.

 

For years, I had felt hopeless and couldn’t pinpoint why. I didn’t know I had been “self-abandoning,”
that I needed to “work on my boundaries” and that I was “perfectly imperfect.” I figured I was just cursed. And all I knew to do was keep hoping things would get better … somehow.

 

I wish I’d had me then

 

I wish I’d had a love-addiction-aware certified health coach to guide me through the forest of recovery jargon, deeply rooted shame and runaway Ferrero Rocher dependency. I needed someone empathetic who could provide a logical explanation for my irrational behavior and  help me stay on track as I began to challenge my limiting beliefs. I could have used someone to advise me about the importance of basic elements like good sleep, good food and a daily routine.

 

Recovering from addiction is hard! I was fortunate at the time to live in a place that has a ton of support groups. For years, I attended multiple groups weekly. It is no exaggeration to say they saved my life.

 

Love addiction is common. Support, not so much

 

Unfortunately, outside of New York City, Los Angeles, London and a few other major metropolitan areas, intensive support for love addiction recovery doesn’t exist. My own experience with recovery and the realization of how love addiction impacts our culture inspired me to specialize in it as a health coach.

 

I am passionate about:

 

Systems-based approaches

Although I am no expert in either functional medicine or traditional Chinese medicine, I love them both. Functional medicine aims to find the root of the issue and address it rather than just cover over the symptoms. Similarly, Chinese medicine looks at the body as a whole as opposed to the Western medical model that sections out our bodies into individual problems that need to be conquered.

 

Economics

 

During the most intense part of my recovery process, I opted to stop watching TV or movies. Instead, I studied economics and the philosophies that underpin them. I found that to be far more grounding and enlightening than whatever passes for news these days. It has helped me to make sense of our fracturing society and failing healthcare system without falling for tribalism.

 

Narcissism

 

You cannot find information about modern dating and relationships without considering the plague of narcissism. As I see it, personality disorders are a byproduct of a society teetering on the edge. This larger phenomenon seeps its way into our mental and physical health. So it’s useful to stay aware of how we as individuals who are trying to find meaning and connection in our lives are accosted daily by soul-crushing narcissistic values.

When I am not confronting the cultural zeitgeist, I like to hang out with my asthmatic cat, study
Chinese and listen to comedy podcasts.

 

Health Coach Ellie

I am an ADAPT Certified Health Coach who provides online coaching around the world via Zoom.

Shame and despair welcomed.

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DISCLAIMER: The role of a Health Coach is not to diagnose, treat or cure any disease, condition or other physical or mental ailment of the human body. The content on this website is for purely informational and educational purposes. It should not be seen as medical or nursing advice and is not meant to take the place of seeing licensed health professionals.

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